OK, I’ve had enough of this enforced “vacation.” It’s boring, I’m having trouble concentrating, and I think my pets are considering a mercy killing! Speaking of pets, this quarantine nonsense has turned me into a dog. I roam the house all day looking for food, I’m not allowed to get near strangers and I’m getting really excited about the prospects of going for a car ride! I feel like I’m losing perspective. I’m not sure what day of the week it is, but I’m pretty sure the date is March 34th.

Anyway, I WANT to go back to work. Admittedly, I feel like I need to, too, because my savings were exhausted last week on movie downloads and I don’t think my investments are doing too well either. I put a lot of money into timeshares in Asia. (I could be more specific about exactly where, but I don’t want to be considered racist for mentioning China…so I won’t!)

Also, there is the appeal of having a reason to get up in the morning. Under quarantine, morning is an amorphous concept. It’s a period of daylight that comes at the end of sleeping…even if it gets dark again in an hour or two. I have gotten up at 3 o’clock in the past, but it was 3 AM, not PM! Of course, I can catch up my sleep by taking a nap after each meal…to let the food settle.

Of course, I’m also finding a little time to get some exercise. I do heavy fork-curls every day at mealtime, and I’ve been expending a lot of energy lately jumping to conclusions. That seems to be what the media is doing with all the coronavirus data that’s presented at the Administration’s daily COVID-19 briefings. All I know is that it’s President Trump’s fault there are more cases in New York and California than there are in Kansas. And, because that’s true, he wants us all to stay home until April 30!

After a couple of days of trying to fashion something workable for a mask, I’ve given up! I thought I had hit on a solution when I found one of those courtesy packs from my last overseas trip. It had a mask in it that’s designed to be used if you want to cover your eyes while sleeping when the cabin lights are on or doing daylight stretches. I put it on and tried to go to the store…but I kept bumping into things and it didn’t cover my nose, either! At least when I was wearing it I couldn’t see to read the stock reports. That was a blessing.

Let’s face it, if we don’t get back to some semblance of productivity pretty quickly, we won’t have companies or jobs to go back to. Even printing and giving away a couple trillion more dollars won’t help…because a loaf of bread will cost $65 and the national debt will be unimaginable. If we get back to a point where we can interact directly with people, maybe we can also start traveling, selling, buying and making deals. We can revive the supply chains for everything from air fresheners to airplanes! It’s time to figure out how to prudently care for those who are still at risk, while re-starting the world’s financial engines, too. We need to do this before our cats and dogs find out we can’t afford any more treats!

Written by Dave Franson